tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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