Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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