I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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