I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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