I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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