3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
