If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
