I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
