He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
