70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
