Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
