I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
