Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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