u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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