you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
