I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Randomize
