Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
