Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
