she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
