I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
