Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
two words...techno handjob
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
