She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
