life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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