As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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