Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she looked like the before picture.
Do vagina's smell?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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