so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
