WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
