It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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