a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it's like iHOP with fire
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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