is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
