I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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