I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
