I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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