I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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