we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
