I hate your face
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
