just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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