Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
