I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
