Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
