you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We're too hungover to prance.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
