yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
