there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
