Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize