there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
