I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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