he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize