the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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