I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
