Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
