The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize