Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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