i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
