i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
