Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
