We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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