when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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