Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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