And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
someone owes me an orgasm
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
