It's Friday. Sex?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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