So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize