Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
