4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
okay pat passed out under dana's car
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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