I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
