She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
