i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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