apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
