What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
