clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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