I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
