terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
