Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
