I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The Olympian is in my bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
