i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
