Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
