SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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