Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
