Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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